Descent Into Hell: The Second Circle of Hell

Disclaimer: To the readers of this story, in this part there will be a lot of truths that I have never told to anyone because I wasn't ready to.

I know I said we'd jump ahead and we will but there are a few facts I need to address first(this will probably be the longest of the parts)

Here's a semi-brief synopsis of everything leading up to January 5, 2011

After Kisha kept staying overnight at my apartment, the housing authority had finally had enough and evicted me. So now we were searching for a new place to live and we found one. The problem was we had little to no money to afford a house so I made the decision to take a title loan out on my car so we could afford the rent and deposit on a house we saw.

After living in the house for a couple of months, having not paid a lot of the rent because I was the only one working and I couldn't afford it on a waiter's salary and tips....Kisha started going down to Sedalia on the weekends and spending time with her daughter. The house was an absolute mess because Kisha never cleaned nor did she ever unpack or move any furniture that had been brought in. The landlord and some other dude came down to the house and took a lot of pictures that they were going to send CPS but ended up not because Kisha lied to them about it.

Shortly after that, we were evicted again. After going to court, it was decided that the landlords would get the house back and we didn't owe any back rent. So we moved to Sedalia. I started working at Denny's right before the State Fair which is the busiest time of the year. For a month we stayed at a friend of hers house who saw the way Kisha was treating me and how she was having me always watch her son. For my birthday Kisha got me a prepaid cell phone. One afternoon I was on my MSN Messenger and I noticed my ex and former best friend was online. The problem was that Kisha was sitting right next to me looking over my shoulder so I acted like I didn't know who it was. My ex jumped my ass(and she had every right too) about my not seeing my daughter. I stopped messaging her because I got very defensive and my guards went up. I knew that what I had done to my daughter was wrong and that I was a bad father. It was then that I thought that everyone would be happier if I was gone. I contemplated suicide. There was alcohol in the house and Kisha was on Extra Strength Vicodin for a toothache. It would have been easy but I couldn't do it. I had been at that point before and I didn't want to do it again. Then I started thinking that if I cheated on Kisha and she found out she would break up with me and I could go home. There were a couple of occasions when I could've but I didn't because of a promise I had made. I cheated on my ex and I hated myself for it. I promised her that I would never cheat on her again and I didn't. After we broke up I promised myself that I would never cheat on another woman as long as I live and I haven't. I had broken so many promises in my life so I wanted to keep these two so no matter how much I wanted to I just couldn't. So I stayed. We found a really shitty apartment with an alcoholic slumlord.

After a couple of months of barely making it by because Kisha had stopped working and at this point started treating me like her own personal babysitter for her son so she could go and do whatever she wanted. I work the overnight shift at Denny's and got off work around 7am. I would walk home because my car had been repoed because I couldn't afford the title loan anymore. When I got home I would go to bed and get woken up at about nine so that I would get up with her son and she could sleep longer......(WTF!!!!!!) Needless to say, we were evicted............again. The plus side to this was MY name was never on the lease mainly because there WAS NEVER A LEASE!

So we moved into her mom's house where she would berate Kisha every day about how bad of a mother she was. Her house would be spotless but it was still dirty. Kisha also continued to treat me like her own personal babysitter.

Now we move to January 5, 2011. Kisha had bought a car and the next day we were leaving to move to Corpus Christi, Texas. We were going to stay with her dad for a couple weeks before we found a place of our own. That night we were having a going away party at a local bar. Before we left we had dinner at her mom's. Kisha and her mom got into it and it was the worse one I had ever heard. Her mom ordered me to go into the kitchen and clean up after dinner. As soon as I got up, Kisha told me not to. Her mom said something and I had had enough and I went off on her about the way she was treating Kisha and treating me like a slave. She didn't like that too much and kicked me out of the house.

We get to the going away party when out of the blue, my parents show up. Surprised the hell out of me. They sat at another table away from us and i started singing. They were getting ready to leave and my mom came up to me and gave me a twenty dollar bill and wished me the best of luck(inside joke). She asked for a hug and I really wanna to give her one. i wanted to give her the biggest hug and ask her to keep me from going to texas but I was too far lost at that point that I was more afraid of Kisha seeing us and me never hearing the end of it that I didn't and my mom left pissed and I can't apologize enough for that.

The rest of the evening went ok. I couldn't stop thinking about my mom and what I couldn't do. That night I was able to sleep at her mom's for the final night and we left the next morning for Texas

Stay tuned for the conclusion of this story.
Descent Into Hell: The final straw

Descent Into Hell: The First Circle

First off, to all the readers of the series, my profound apologies for the delay in this next part. A lot of hectic stuff has been going on but that is for a blog at a later time.

In the last part, Kisha was hurt in a muddin' accident. Let's jump ahead about a month. Kisha has begun to visit my apartment a few times a week. One weekend when I had my daughter with me at the apartment while Kisha was there. Kisha voiced that she didn't like Alayna because she didn't think she was cute(which is a fucking lie. My daughter is sooooo adorable. She must get it from my side of the family....just kidding Jessi). She also didn't think Alayna was mine which once again is a lie. I hate to admit this but as much as I want to lay complete blame on Kisha for me not seeing my daughter, it was my choice and I have regretted it every day since. So because Kisha didn't like her, I didn't want Alayna around her because I didn't want to constantly hear the things Kisha was saying.

Now, viewing my life as a whole, I do not have a gambling problem at all. I know when to quit....most of the time. This was NOT apparant while with Kisha. There was one night where I lost a lot of money and ended up overdrawing my bank account. I needed help and so I asked my mother if she could help get me out of the hole and she agreed but made me promise that every one of my paychecks and tips(cause I was a waiter) would go to her so that she could help me get track of my money and I was ok with that.

When i got back to the apartment I told Kisha was I did and she flew off the handle about how I should've talked to her about this because if we were going to be a family it was a family decision.....DO WHAT?! At this point I haven't proposed to her yet so the family thing flew me for a loop. She told me that the only way I could fix this was to call my mother and tell her that I changed my mind. I had already started to lose myself at this point because I called my mom and told her that. I wish I wouldn't have. I told her and my dad that I needed to fail on my own and that if they continued to help me I would never learn to be on my own. It was then that my mom informed me that htey wouldn't help me anymore nor would they accept Kisha as a part of my life. I should've listened to them.

This was only the first circle. Most of the circles don't happen until right before the move to Texas back in January of 2011. We will continue our story tomorrow jumping forward to January 5th, 2011....

Coming tomorrow: Part Two: The Second Circle of Hell